I had always hoped I would be EPIC! Just not quite like this….

EPIC… Don’t you just love that word?

That movie was EPIC!

His touchdown was EPIC!

His love for her is EPIC!

It's a word filled with such majesty, such splendor, that you don’t hear it all that often actually. In fact, I can’t recall having uttered the word in the recent past until I was talking with a friend yesterday about my really loathsome behavior toward someone I care about very much.

You see, what most of you don’t know – and what I’ve kept pretty bottled up inside – is that I have been emotionally involved with someone for several months now. Unfortunately – time together is rare and everyone knows it’s hard to keep a “long-distance romance” going (albeit he’s only in Nashville). It takes a lot of effort, work, and several other factors. Never mind at least a dozen other “complications” and issues that accompanied this pairing…

Nevertheless, love was in bloom and I was full blown, neck deep, head over heels, in love. It’s a Virgo-Capricorn pairing that simply can’t be denied…. (a topic for yet another blog)

Anyway – the romance has been up and down and all around recently – likely a good portion of that due to my ongoing battle with depression and a sharp tongue. Well, I really put my foot in it this time...

Let me share a portion of my conversation with FRIEND – I don’t think FRIEND would mind… (and I’m cleaning it up a bit for the tender eyes and thought processes of my sweet readers)

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ME: *sigh*grumble* Tissue... I HATE HIM! (being a drama queen)

FRIEND: u think it's for good, or just a phase, or whatever

ME: I said some pretty MESSED up CRAP to him. (not that he didn't deserve it). And he ended it this time - not me.

FRIEND: do u think u over-reacted? be honest

ME: Honest - yes

FRIEND: damnit debbie

ME: damnit FRIEND

FRIEND: why did u have to go all girl on him?

ME: But I'm not apologizing this time cuz he started it…. sort of

FRIEND: "sort of" lol nice caviat

ME: I was hurt, I lash out when I'm hurt… and I'm not nice. I'm mean. I'm mega bitch.

FRIEND: yeah, hurt me will u? KAPOW

ME: I’m mean, ultra cruel kid with a magnifying glass over an ant hill, bitch. The kind of cruel where you pull the legs off a caterpillar one by one to see if it squirms. u know - and - being the lyricist that I am - I'm cruel over and over and over in a variety of phrases.

FRIEND: so ur saying, u have no hope of getting him back

ME: No... I don't think so...

FRIEND: b/c u said some epic CRAP i'm sure

ME: I'm sure I did.

[after a review of what I said]

FRIEND: wow, ok. so yeah. u got pretty epic

ME: ya

FRIEND: wuff. Lol. u unloaded every pent up feeling you've had.

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I always wanted to be EPIC… like, “She has seven kids, a successful singing career, family, an incredible man who loves her and supports her, and look at all the good things she did with her fame! She is EPIC!”

Definitely never thought that my EPIC-NESS would come in the form of being the world’s biggest relationship disaster zone…. A romantic porta-potty.

An EPIC romantic porta-potty....